So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
