ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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