i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...