I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.