I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
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The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.