i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
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I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
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Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.