im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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