If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
