he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
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Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
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of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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