You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
