you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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