oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
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For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
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Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.