She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
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Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
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i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots