My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...