Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.