He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
