Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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