The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize
