I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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