Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Randomize
