went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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