Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
