Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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