1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize