party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
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I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
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Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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