used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
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You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
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I have feelings that need drinking.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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