The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
