holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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