Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
