Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
