Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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