oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
