i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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