If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
