You can't motorboat a personality
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
