You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
