your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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