I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
