I am in a vortex of obligation.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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