and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
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He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
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He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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