Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I need moral support for this bender
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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