I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
