my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
