You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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