oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
