Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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