Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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