I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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