I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
