he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
