Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
