I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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