Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just had sex on a roof
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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