if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
