after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.