I wanna eat
then eat your cupcake
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.