Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.