you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
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tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
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We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.