i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
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its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
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my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.