I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.