Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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