I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
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